Is this my toothbrush?

The only way I could definitely certainly know whether I have accidentally been using the same toothbrush as my flatmate would be the accelerated wear.


I examine it closely. Seems wet. Do they stay wet overnight? How quickly do bristles usually fray and split with normal use? I know this is my toothbrush, mine’s the blue one… I’m pretty sure mine’s the blue one. Could somebody else think their one was the blue one?

"WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!?"

"………"

"Fuck."

I brush. It doesn’t taste like anyone else has been using it. Would I be able to taste it? Hmm.

Should I text my flatmates? No. I could throw them all out and start again. Say that we were burgled by a pervert. Jimmy open the back door and throw away one of their laptops. Some burglars cook your food. I could cook some chicken, make it look real authentic and shit. Yeah this is fucking brilliant. Genius. I’m like fucking frank abignale junior or something, I could forge cheques and buy a pair of mating british bulldogs and breed them and sell them. Yeah. That’s big business. I could buy a golf cart and run tourists to the top of Mt Eden. Yeah I’ll dangle advertising from those little remote helicopters, make a real scene. Yeah that’s it. That’s fucking it. I’ll never work again, I’m an ant queen. I’m an ant queen.